osh josh b'urped

Faith

2012-01-17T05:02:00.000+08:00

The St Paul's experiment is the reengineering of my faith. I want to distance myself from the modern setting of the church, the guitars and drumbeats, not because I have grown to be against it but I want to better focus my soul and spirit in search for Christ. To put myself within this premise, where the music fades and all is stripped away, one way to help me is to go to St Paul's.

I'm calling it the authentic regime. This is as close as I can get to access my religion in its more traditional sense. The contemporary approach has cautioned me of being over zealous on the inclination to seek religiousity. But I shall enter this phase with my head bowed and my spirit knelt at the desperate search to clearly receive spiritually. I want my spiritual intake to be dense, laden with complexity and with breakthrough, blessed with epiphany.

Furthermore, being also tied into the body of a church where I have grown to be part of at HTB Students every Tuesday, it is now easier for me to experience both the grace of God in the contemporary and the magnitude of his Holiness in the traditional. God is multi-dimensional. I don't know if my time here in London is temporary, but for whatever its worth, I'm making sure that this will be a fruitful phase.

What does this mean to me as an individual? The goal I am pursuing is not sacralisation but rather the opening-up of my spiritual consciousness where I can be reflexive with God being a best friend (which I have no problems going into that) and God being the God up high, the deity that I fear.

Being more conscious is vital as I am on the journey towards seeking revelation. I am living in a phase of spiritual contemplation because I can afford it and because I can psyche myself into adoration as when the distinguished choir resonates within the cathedral, and when I close my eyes, it would be easy for me to spiritually envision the presence of God. Thank God for that and the grace that I can enjoy being so easily ushered into meeting him this way every week.

Critical

2012-01-12T05:56:00.001+08:00

I have come to a point of joy in my time here as a postgraduate student here at King's College, London. Despite the fact that there are outstanding challenges that I have to face in meeting with the demands of the course and being able to afford the London life, I'd give all that for the depth that I had experienced today in realising my academic dream.

I had enrolled in a module called Religion, Politics and Public Policy. Although, in entirety the aspect of public policy only casted a ghostly appearance within how the module unfolded, it had slowly made its way to become my most memorable module in the whole entire course (although I have two modules yet to be examined, I am going to be biased and say that this wins hands down).

The reason behind this is that firstly it is within my persona to be very self reflective and deep especially in the areas of purpose of life, religion and the profoundness of seeking inner peace. This is very observable in the way I have approached most of my commentary in this blog I have (I can't believe that it has been eight years coming). Secondly, to add is also the fact that religion, its political and personal role that it has, is a subject matter that I have been highly interested in for a very long time, from a very young age.

Today, one of my closest friend in MA Public Policy, William and I were having a discussion on this final essay we have. It required us to answer if secularism is critical to democracy. The epiphany, was not that we had answered the question spot on or arrived at a very good conclusion. It was the fact that my mind moved in the way I had always wanted it to be at a very high level of academic discourse. This was what I had clearly lacked during my undergraduate days and had been aspiring to experience.

It is not that I could not afford such a debate outside the visages of an academic institution. For me, it was the novelty of having to experience a student life like that. On a personal note, it was also a great relief as there were many adjustments for me to make to re-enter into the realm of being a student. I took a longer time that most people but I know that this year, I am primed to be able to graduate with a more mature intellectual process.

I know that there will never be an end to what I can learn. But my point here is that in the midst of the debate that I had with William, there was a sense of joy that the novelty that I had always wanted has met its inspired moment. I hope that in the remaining days, that I will get the opportunity to ravel in this feeling for as much as I can.

Sunny

2012-01-06T05:15:00.002+08:00

Why do I wake up every morning for the past five days with a an incomprehensible hope? It is mid-winter in London but despite it, sun rays pierced through my curtain windows and woke me up today. Something different is fuelling me emotionally - even when there is no substantial evidence to back this joy. All alone in a city far far away, I have come to a personal place in my heart where I can say that I am happy despite the worries that I have.

This has been the first taste of what 2012 feels like. I don't know if it will be savoury throughout but if this is how destiny begins, let it be known that this year, which I feel will be my biggest year yet that I am ready. My heart is at peace.

Janelle

2011-12-23T13:34:00.000+08:00

Far far away I am singing
a love song to you
All this while of waiting
Endlessly

Four past Decembers we met
Gone from strangers to being friends
Friendship to lovers
Slowly finding our way

Thank you for
All your kisses and love
You are such a sweetness
personified
In my life

The distance it make me more sure
Of the reason why I cringe
Every time I'm thinking
missing you

Thank you for
All your kisses and love
You are such a sweetness
personified
In my life

Hear dear love
Even when this reaches you
Loud as may be
Or silent as a whisper

The reasons why pictures I take are
monochrome is cause
When you come to London
You'll paint my life in colour

Ps: I did say I was going to end with a song didn't I? XP Love you Xian.

2011

2011-12-23T13:30:00.000+08:00

One more post, I promised myself, and here I go ending a rather fruitless blog year of 2011. The mandatory review, something that I have not been doing since 2008 is here again to be. I know that in a few years time, I would reflect on this writings and place a retrospective barometer upon how my life has been.

2008 till now, I must admit that a good part of my soul had been undergoing secularisation, a term very much frowned upon by the institutions that represent the faith I profess. From my readings so far, top thinkers are deciding to head back to the drawing board of what the term means. But this process, to me, is more of a journey towards modernity, a movement towards having a faith that I can fully embrace in my mind and heart and understanding God to my level best - even if it means I only get a glimpse at a small part of a larger view.

I have very little adherence to regiment. I need a 'third force' most of the time to get at my deadlines; it being as obvious as my work during my time at The Star or coursework part of my postgraduate course. To some, my decision to leave the comforts of a job which I am passionate about to discover the meaning of my life in a radical sense had limited grounds for credible justification. But then I am a rebel - not against anyone but against my presumed conventions of life that encircle me all the time.

I don't know, till today if I am right. I make mistakes, and am very prone at them. But if I enjoy the grace of redeeming myself, I will try my level best to right the wrongs of my preceding work. Many a times I redeem myself and those who have vested faith in me, I tend to appreciate greatly and am loyal to.

Growth… meaning of life… sentiments that I am very weighed in about. At the end of a season that widely illustrated what my life was before this, my undergraduate days, I said a prayer and it has been the prayer for my life ever since until I find a resolution. That is to find myself in a new season all over again, waiting for the next defining point.

I guess the moment is living in this season. I am back into contemplating my future. And unlike the concerns that I had before this, it involves bigger things now. Stuff like marriage, household, career fill my thought agenda and ultimately - the meaning of life.

Some may find out what they're destined for, some will not know but find peace in journey through every season. This is where I am at now. Before, adulthood sums me up to the persona I will portray, I will always challenge my perspective and if my beliefs prevail and corresponds with my growth, I know I am on the right track.

On the 25th December of my life, I am at peace with the direction I am taking, only anxious as to where I will be going next year. It is when I make my mark.

The question I now point back to you is if you had looked back, how have you grown this year?

London

2011-09-20T17:11:00.000+08:00

London... I'm in a different world, a new kind of world. Everyday seems like a dream that keeps repeating. I stepped into the great halls of my university yesterday and boy, was I overwhelmed. The mood is set, my visions are fixed and my heart is beaming to make my time at King's count. :)

This place seems like a home I never had. I am naturally blending into this metropolis. Everyone speaks the language I speak. Even the roads make sense and there is an orderly system to everything here. I can take the public transport easily. I can walk on the main streets at night with my host and dear friend Chang Jin and encounter the quaint and romantic sentiment of London at night. In a nutshell, I love London like no other city! haha. Even when my heart lies greatly in Brisbane.

So, if you're wondering, I am more than fine. And to ask if I am homesick, I'm not! hahaha! Just miss the luxury of having a car and the companionship of my family and friends.

Proposal

2011-07-07T23:54:00.002+08:00

Every vision has a beginning. And in every beginning, the potential of a vision is limited to the very best capacity of its stakeholder at that point of time. It was only through a chance I have been blessed with, that has found me wanting more.

Graduating locally, I may have become a specialist in what I can do as a journalist. But now after contemplating either to stay within my comfort zone or to leave it for greater things by risking a lot, I'd rather go for the latter. And it is within this life's gamble that has made the difference for me.

My perspective has changed. Circumstances about my future change. My work as a journalist changes. Now, my new dream is to strive to translate what I can do in writing to reality. A postgraduate experience from a notable school will provide legitimacy to that. Then, I shall seek out my experience to build that credibility.

This is why now, I am seeking for people to invest in my future. People who have faith in me. Then, when my time comes, I will, with all my heart show that I would live up to the theme of making a difference. Eloquently.

King's College

2011-06-30T22:51:00.005+08:00

MA Public Policy.

I've always wondered what was it out there where I could go and do. Is there more? Or is there less? Should I stop extending my horizons and be a confined specialist or be an explorer of where my life can go? I have found my resolution and chose to be uncomfortable.

A credit card swipe of £1430 sealed the deal and mapped the agenda that was ahead. It was a mixture of faith, passion and fear to a certain extent. The 24-month learning curve as a journalist opened the options to who I can become. My idealism has been reserved for this greater opportunity I did not know of from the start.

Don't get me wrong. I love my job, I love it to bits. But I realised that I loved my life and how I am blessed with it. Therefore it is only responsible that I should follow my heart and my dreams as I believe is divine as who else can be behind such an inspiration to move forward.

The mandate is strong and encouragement is aplenty. I even enjoy the benefit of some associates who are willing to play the role of being the devil's advocate but it all points to a resilience that I cannot shake off, this experience and education I cannot deny.

My sights are set clear as the brightest night sky. And despite the clouds of challenges, be it financial or the uncertain future, I know that beyond that is the brilliance of the stars and how they eloquently and steadfastly demonstrate that this vision and dream will meet its intended reality if one would only give his all.

I believe.

Interlude

2011-05-17T01:26:00.002+08:00

The thought of you
Is always on my mind
I do remember all the time
Your heart a precious gem
So I'm inspired and I will find

I'll set my eyes
I will decide
That in ten years from now
I'd be in love
And when, in a blink of an eye
Thirty has come, forty a blessing
Fifty a lifetime

Love's revival is imperative
The aim, your heart,
The measure of my love
It may seem a silent season
Currently, just be with me now

Where could hearts go
If core matters are landlocked
And all we need is an outflowing
Towards the sea of emotion
We'll close our eyes
In a slumber
And let dreams take us away from this

Best. Joke. Ever.

2011-05-15T12:01:00.002+08:00

For once, this is not mine

One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250 to spend the night with that woman."

Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard their remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment.

The following morning, as he prepared to leave, the man gave her $125. She demanded the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give me the other $125 I'll sue you for it." He laughed, saying "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."

Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."

After the usual preliminaries, the lady's Lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."

The defendant's Lawyer was not only surprised but also impressed AND amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. Naturally, his defense was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it. He rose to the occasion!

'Your honor," he said, "my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."

The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your honor, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted."

In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options: "Pay the balance $125 to the plaintiff, or have the equipment detached from its current location and provide it to the plaintiff for damages."

The defendant wrote out a check immediately.

Case closed!

Last Breath

2011-05-01T14:54:00.001+08:00

Last Breath by joshuafoong

Hearts go astray
Destinies part, separating
Our final stand
Places the cards, fortunes at hand

I believed in an idealistic world
Dreams were only meant to give us all hope

So I'll sing
As if it were my last song
How I wish that it could last long
Before you go

Surreal is may seem
I face the truth, dim as it is
Love's faint being
Gently part, disappearing

Hear me out love
Share with me one final embrace
This sweet surrender of grace
It is for your own good

Dusk

2011-04-30T23:57:00.005+08:00

This is the season when things end, and new beginnings form. My heart sinks to see a passion so riveted with my life's plans at risk and fighting a seeming losing battle with geography and emotional reaction.

The horizon is peaceful yet thick with sides with no resolution in sight. Funnily enough, it is the circumstance that may lead towards the surrender. All after the recent years put in to build towards a future.

I find it imperative to defend whatever which concerns my future, but I have lost strength. This area of my life has been numbed, malnourished - so much so that the abilities which I once commanded had over the months diminished.

May it be with what is left for survival that the focus will bank on the strengths that is shared and not the weaknesses or architectural flaws that exist from the very beginning. I pray that in what ever will that is endowed, it will seek to take radical action, as only a miracle can save this institution.

My enthusiasm is lost and my belief is of a dim flame.

Chevening

2011-04-13T20:07:00.004+08:00

My Chevening journey begins.

The preparation for the half-an-hour turned one-hour final interview session began more than six years ago as I positioned myself towards a journey into journalism. Milestones after milestones, it built some credibility towards being selected to be in the final batch of potential Chevening receivers.

With the grace of God and with a deep breath, I entered the British High Commission, in Jalan Ampang. I know, whatever the results, my destiny will follow.

Here is my essay.

I am passionate for people. I draw great strengths seeing people get inspired in their own worlds and in turn come back to inspire me.

The concept of people has evolved through the years from smoke signals to social networking. In my three years of being in the Malaysian journalism fraternity, I have been placed upon an observation deck and have seen people respond to many things.

Back home, the social evolution has been flourishing tremendously - fuelled by the politics of socio-economic agenda and greatly facilitated by the wonders of communication technology.

The subject of public policy is close to my heart because it sparks inspired movements in people and sets the social climate in a particular point of time, pointing to the direction where a society is heading towards, making history.

Why British? Why Chevening? There is a distinct correlation of British excellence with the drafting of policies that formed Malaysia to what it is today. It was Lord William Reid who led the Reid Commission in 1956, which was responsible for drafting the Constitution of the Federation of Malaya prior to Malayan independence from Britain in August 1957.

Then in 1962, it was Lord Cameron Cobbold who led the Cobbold Commission that provided a democratic avenue for the people of Sabah and Sarawak to decide on the idea of joining Malaysia, which subsequently inspired the drafting of the Constitution of Malaysia prior to its formation on 16 September 1963.

With that being said, I believe that my mind has to encapsulate a “British intellect” that had laid the foundations of Malaysia to envision a future that thrives on its roots. The Chevening scholarship will provide me with the avenues to be equipped with a wisdom that I will be able to utilise for good and honourable purposes.

I have always intended to take my journalism out into the open where the written word can be translated to concrete action. I see my roles changing in the future to see my current works in print to move in the trajectory of shaping social policies and decisions to be made within the interest of the people.

In the short term, I will use this qualification faithfully to enrich the quality of my journalism at The Star, Malaysia and aspire in the long term to be a credible and respected advisor in the future to those dwelling in the corridors of power.

The value that I will strive to bring to Chevening is that in my youth, I shall demonstrate enthusiasm. In discipline, I will grow in credibility. I will strive to be an inspiring momentum to the generation that is to come.

I will enter a world seeking to be imprinted with the Chevening identity. This will be a strategic point for a pivotal encounter with an experience that will make a significant mark in my life and it is high priority that it will be beneficial to the lives of others.

In addition to that, I know with a good education, it will also groom in me a wisdom so that when I re-enter a world with its traditions and practices set, I am able to innovate from there to achieve a relevant impact.

In my line of work, I have observed policing has intervened to influence regional and national socio-economic growth as well as to set political developments in the country. Through my news reports, my personal understanding of the effectiveness of policy initiatives has formed fundamental thought and became an area of interest for me.

Besides journalism, I have also taken the responsibility of managing a government account in my newspaper. Together with PEMANDU, a unit under the Prime Minister’s department to oversee implementation and assess progress of the Government Transformation Programme (GTP), I transcribe huge chunks of policies under the GTP into stories for easier understanding to the regular reader.

Currently, I, through the recommendation of my superiors at work have been chosen to participate in an internal accelerated leadership programme called the Young Leadership Training Programme. This selection to me is an indicator of their trust in my leadership capabilities. Prior to this I have been selected by the same people to be the sole recipient of the undergraduate scholarship in journalism in 2006.

In 2009, I graduated top of my class in university, being the only sole recipient of a first class honours degree in journalism from Universiti Tunku Abdul Rahman (UTAR).

Through these few days, I have reflected on the great Malaysians who had once graced the hallways of the Chevening. Figures like Tan Sri Azman Mokhtar, Head of Khazanah, film maker Bernard Chaudry and Edmund Bon, a lawyer and the Chairman of the Human Rights Committee of the Malaysian Bar Council – all of who I have encountered in my line of work.

This time, I aspire to walk the route in which they all have taken to chart another unique Chevening legacy. Here I am standing up to be counted, vested with great hope that it will place me to be a candidate so that I will be able to provide value to what Chevening stands for.

Seasons

2010-10-21T18:36:00.009+08:00

Progress is vital for life. Change is vital for life. A great part of my life on this blog has been aimed at the season of my life I'm at right now. Being in a destiny that I have already reached, the thing to do now is to look to the future.

The convention after graduation is to get a job, a job that you had envisioned since you were a kid or at least, ideally, during your final days as an undergraduate. Checked.

Now that I am thinking about my life once again, I need to seek progress, and where I'm at, I feel that this phase, will also pass in the near years to come.

At first, this role that I have assumed was a goal filled with ambition and interest. Now, the trajectory that I have placed myself is one based on an additional factor, one that I feel is far more significant. Love.

As I am still legally bound by contract with this job with the current interest to fuel me on, there is a future agenda - something like a blueprint for the years ahead.

On Oct 10, I traveled to Brisbane on a surprise birthday trip. It was a joyous encounter for the two of us. It was three days, but we emerged from that brief three days with an intention which grew to be a hope, and now a plan.

I found myself to be at the very start once again. Working towards seeing you in the next season of our lives. Together.

Me: Now

2010-07-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

And then, the curtain comes down - you realise that all that happened was just child's play. It was only just beginning for you. That was how I felt when I ventured out into the world.

I felt like I was living in the shadows of someone or some aspect of my life back then. Now, a year out in the open, do not feel the shade anymore. Sometimes the shade is comforting. The heat from the limelight can heat you up a little too much.

I may have said this for a couple of times now. I feel like a printed poloroid. For long I have been kept in an enclosed protection. But I have been integrated, and the vividness of my character takes a degenerative phase. I feel that I am losing my value.

However at the exact same moment, I feel that it is the end of this identity because a different position I have to take, a different person I have to be. It feels bad to let it go but I just have to migrate.

And so, along with those dear to me and with the entities of my life in which took years to build, I assume a new position and require time to get used to these familiar oddities. Did I purposely choose to juxtapose my life? In a way yes. But it is vital because without it, I don't think I can ever find it in me a purpose.

So where does Christ fit in? I know He's somewhere in there because my heart cringes when I think about how an amazing job He's done for my life. Overwhelming.

But I am not the kind that am spoken to. God enables me to find answers.

The answer can't just be found now. But this, my friends, is a beacon to my me. I have a steady aim at my life's trajectory yet deep inside me I have a reckless nerve.

I know that I am just only finding out who I really am.

I am giving myself two years to do so.

Today is July 1, 2010. Get back to me on July 1, 2012.

Definition

2010-05-02T01:35:00.005+08:00

I wanted to have a countdown. But that's okay, I've been counting the days unofficially anyways. I'm a person that keeps track of my age and for a long time I know that I was young.

Until now, I still get that. At the office, out on the streets, with my older pals... But the question that rises as I approach 23 is if I had used my youth's potential fully. I know that I had an accelerated track to enter the working world. At 22, that seemed to be a pretty early year to start.

Many times it has crossed my mind about what will be that story of my 20s. If my teen years were adventure themed, I would like to theme my 20s as a defining point to whatever my identity will represent for as long as there is breathe in me.

Countless prayers, brain cycles, conversations will take center stage this week as I gear into retrospect. I always do that. I know who I really am. But what is it that will define me.

Tomorrow when I wake up, I will take that first step to knowing.

88 days

2010-05-01T02:37:00.004+08:00

Before I may progress further, I need to backtrack to 30th December last year.

It was the beginning of a period whereby my life was happy. I felt a circular sense of satisfaction as I had spend almost everyday with the love of my life. We both already know it but I haven't told her that it was those days when I tied all knots dead and made up my mind that she is THE one.

It was 88 days of togetherness. We have this mutual friend, Aaron Sim (who will be surprised to see his name being published here) who even said to us: "Gosh, Josh! You and Xian are practically married!"

We have become so used to the whole long distance thing, so much so that this experience thought us a lot about what was it like actually to be together, for an extended time. This then led us out of what people call as the "honeymoon" season.

For me that was it because I had that knack to weave the most glorious love letters to her only to see myself lose the ability to churn it on a daily basis as the great days together passed.

It wasn't because I ceased to be romantic (I believe I'd still be able to pack a punch!). It was more of the fact that that phase has passed. And we're just "moving up the ladder".

However in relationships, at their early stages, it starts with that spark and the gleam wanes off in due course of time. But seeing the "phase" has passed us, I don't want it to just be that phase. May it be a feeling that I can revisit anytime I want.

I am against degenerative love. Degenerative in the sense that love's intensity decreases because of the familiarities accumulated through the years. I will make sure that what transpires for the rest of my life with her will be a heck of an experience as everyday is worth celebrating.

Those 88 days saw an end to it too and getting used to the separation was hard to handle, I must say, but we are back and kicking. It was the GREATEST 88 days... Sighs.

Tomorrow when I wake up I will give her a call to tell her I love her.

Living

2010-04-30T02:43:00.004+08:00

Today was the first full shift back in the office, after being away on assignment to cover the Hulu Selangor by-elections. But the lesson learnt was not in the office, although I am in the midst of cracking a big story but rather much earlier.

Before I go to that, I must explain myself first about why I talk so much about faith over on this blog and why does it matter to me.

Faith to me is the cornerstone of my existence. Therein lies the principle purpose of why I live. How I choose to see it is through its amplification in practical terms. In other words, once faith transcends beyond the four walls of religious practices to be assimilated to life's practices, then it only truly gets defined.

So earlier in the day I was having a cuppa with a close friend of mine and Pastor Stuart. I like this Pastor. He sure places an acknowledgement to the "real world" while reiterating the position of Christianity itself. Why am I drawn to his leadership is that he assimilates the faith that we both share so well with living.

It can only be correct when there is such a unity - Faith must be shown in one's life first then only it can be professed.

Tomorrow when I wake up, I will truly define the way I faith (live).

Regenesis

2010-04-29T01:16:00.001+08:00

I've been out. For a long time.

It's interesting to see how life takes a paradigm shift especially if you use a blog to help you keep tab of how you are and not update it for a while, the last post seems it has been like forever.

Looking back, the gap that exists between this post and the previous one highlights a concrete departure from juvenile aspirations to reality checks.

Most of my student life revolved around getting out of school so that I can be here and paint the world red. However, stroke after stroke, it seems like the canvas is too big for one person.

But paint I will still. Nay, I shall draw a more precise roadmap as I have come to know what dreams really are now. Dreams stay steadfast to ideals. All we need is to redesign the vehicle that will get us there.

The point is, I have sighed and moaned at how my prospects about life were. But our Creator has blessed us with a resilient heart and an intellect made after His own for us to charter our way pass any form of decline in our aspirations.

And oh yeah. The key lesson is that the idealism, this faith of mine may seem a little doused due to the influence of this world. It dries you up. But for my faith to be reinstated, it is a fight that I shall have to champion for as dreams do not die, they just do not get realised.

Tomorrow when I wake up, I will realise all my dreams.

Quote

2009-12-09T23:15:00.001+08:00

We shouldn't show our ideals to the world. We should instead show the world to our ideals.
-Me

9am

2009-12-07T20:25:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I'm appalled by the magnitude of what my work means. It embarrasses me personally at times because sometimes I wish I just had a little more time studying, or a longer break from doing anything at all.

But after being stagnant for two months, I took the call to be a tax-paying citizen (at 22! OMG!), contributing to the country.

This places me as a stakeholder in many issues in the government. Their policies affect me. As I go further into leaving the age of being a student, which I have been so well accustomed with, these few months have been, live changing.

Issues get closer to me, instead of being part of the ranting about things that people are not satisfied, I break the dissatisfaction to them - which is why now I know why most of my seniors do not show their optimism as much as I do, because they are less gullible than I am.

I guess the part I miss most will be the weekends. They are like gold to me now. Although it feels great, the roads are generally not jammed, I have lost a liberty that many others still have. But on the hind sight I get to rest more with these off days during the weekdays, or during nicer arrangements, half weekends.

Its true that work takes a part of me, I have been less of everything that I have previously had great passion in - less of serving in church, less of a friend to my closest friends. Sometimes even less of a boyfriend. Sigh.

But this is what I've always wanted to be. And if my passions and those close to me follow, I'll know that they're for real. Like you.

Then I met with an entrepreneur, who told me that it is the trend that stands through the times. One works less as he progresses - from being hands on to management and directing.

It comes with the package of how one will go forth in life. Firstly, earning an income. Then, probably a house/car. Then if they are blessed they get married and have children. The challenge is to make every of these phases exciting.

Janda Baik

2009-12-06T23:48:00.005+08:00

Was at George Gan's orchard. Sand mining is causing much anxiety for the nature lover as erosion at the river embankments near his orchard is occuring due to sand mining. - All shots taken using the M.ZUIKO DIGITAL 14-42mm 1:3.5-5.6. Selected Art Scenes used especially the Pop Art and Pinhole effects for some pics.

First shots

2009-11-10T22:40:00.009+08:00

ALL SHOTS UNEDITED: Used the M.ZUIKO DIGITAL 17mm 1:2.8 Pancake (35mm equivalent focal length: 34mm) for all shots. Taken using 1280x780 cause didn't have a decent enough memory card (256mb). I have since gotten a Samsonite Tai and an 8gb SDHC card. :)

Curious about the pinhole effect in some of the pics? They're from the built-in Art Filters. Nice.

Oyster

2009-10-29T01:33:00.001+08:00

My heart is your pearl.
It will form and gleam for you in a way how it feels for you.
But the challenge for this beauty is that
I first
have to undergo
this season in my life,
this shaping of my character.

As you seek to grow and do what's right.
I too am preparing myself.

Ego

2009-10-28T20:26:00.004+08:00

If my ego was the size of a pumpkin prior to this season in my life now, it is now, a pea. Everyone has an ego some way or another, the difference is in the expression of how conscious we are to our own identity. Some are superior, some, inferior, some... like me... couldn't care less but it comes on as in itch that refuses to go away.

The thing is this. There are many challenges in my life that I feel to be really huge. I can't even see the outcome. It's hard to envision, and without vision, it places my life's trajectory into a state of controlled chaos.

It is due to the fact that before this, I get my heads up on things that will happen. I knew when an exam was coming, when my holidays are, when I was going to graduate. Now, I'm sucked into a vortex of the working world towards a jaded reality that all my academic ideals are just fairy tales.

It is also that there is no place for my heart to be this way anymore. I'm not assured of so many things. I just don't know sometimes. I used to know all the time previously. There is no confirmed end to this season as in yet. Now, that's why its hard and I spend most of my time just figuring it out.

Maybe I lack the faith, maybe I have the faith but the work sometimes tire me.

PS: I'm buying the Olympus Pen! WOOT! There goes my hard earned moolah! But all for a good cause! Maybe if I freeze shots of my reality, I'll see how good it is.

2009-10-20T20:46:00.004+08:00

I was told that things change. It is the reality that gave me the greatest pinch. I need to find the familiar happiness. This is what love is to me in this season. But you smile at me.

It's the happiness that I am familiar with. :D

Geekout!

2009-09-29T18:44:00.006+08:00

I've been blogging for ages. Maybe in the recent months, things have been a little slow, if not, VERY slow. However, there are no personal plans to stop blogging since social media has taken on a greater role in pushing forth a vibrant and active facade of society.

Well, to celebrate the fact that blogging, facebooking and twittering (words that weren't words in the past decade) has taken the world by storm, here are some codes for avid Nokia users to know their phones even better. Your cellphone is your most personal asset. It is the "in-thing" now for humankind in general.

If ever you have thought about your Nokia's details, just key in:

*#06# - International Mobile Equipment Identity (imei): Serial Number.
*#0000# - To view software version.
*#2820# - Bluetooth device address.
*#3370# - Enhanced Full Rate Codec (EFR) activation: Increase signal strength, better signal reception. It also helps if you need to use GPRS and the service is not responding or too slow. Will cause phone battery will drain faster.
*#3370* - (EFR) deactivation. Phone will automatically restart. Increase battery life by 30% because phone receives less signal from network.
*#92702689# - (varies for each phone) takes you to a secret menu (Woot!) where you may find some of the information below:
Displays Serial Number.
Displays the Month and Year of Manufacture
Displays (if there) the date where the phone was purchased (MMYY)
Displays the date of the last repair - if found (0000)
Shows life timer of phone (time passes since last start)

Geekout! =)

The Weekly

2009-09-12T09:19:00.003+08:00

Before this blog inclines toward a political rhetoric churning two cents worth, I'll give myself some respite from the ailing yet progressive realities that are coming out from this country.

I've gotten my body to tune into a structured sense of working life now as before this it initially was a no-hoper when it comes to bearing the lethargy that work hours build on me. I guess it was more of getting used to the whole concept after bumming for three months.

At work, they're introducing the Key Performance Index (KPI) charts for journalists. I guess in the election of Idris Jala, the KPI fad has transcended rapidly towards all industry sectors. Goodla, it may be a hassle cause it's extra work, but it sure helps those aspiring to build their portfolio to keep track on what they do.

Jala is a Kelabit from Sarawak and is a Christian. He was the first non-Malay non-Muslim to be appointed to head a GLC, as part of new government reforms. In the day and age whereby the issue equality is pursued by various bunch of people, this is seen to be a move forward for the government. But then again, lets see how this works out in a year's time...

Sighs, so having said that, what respite right? Haha... how do I quell the journalist in me? Separate myself from all of this? Blog with pictures of hoildays and all...

I guess the reason why it inevitably ended with me commenting is also because a lesson learned in the newsdesk is to keep my opinions to myself when I write. So from all of the thinking, here is where I am freer.

Not that I am constrained at work, but well, there are places for everything.

I miss my girlfriend. :)

Merdeka

2009-08-31T00:00:00.003+08:00

And so I am now a journo. All these years of education for a job like this, as irrelevant as Additional Maths may be to what is required of me right now I guess it all had to do with the "process". Now that I'm out in the open for real this time, the world seems like a surreal place to me - for the first time, the emphasis of education goes deeper that what I've thought. It isn't just about solving a mathematical scenario or trying to define a moral value (YES, we did have that in school for you non-Malaysians). All was to give us a try in solving problems.

But then again, how much value a problem takes to be solved is another issue. Having identifying that itself, is a problem.

Problems. It seems to me that the hub where all problems in this country converge is where I work at. I have this three colleagues that are experts in coming out with hilarious puns. And in my attempt to be just like them, well, let's just say that the weight of the world being felt right here where the newsdesk is.

It's like this. With good news there's no problem. It's the bad reports that is hard to be told. We get the crap to chew on first hand, and then, make it easier for others to take in the realities that they'll frown on.

Maybe that's why only a few of us amigos became newshounds after graduation. Those of us who are able to persevere are either LOVING it (like me. Oooyeaa for real) or are IMMUNE to it.

That's the sentiment that I'll have if I can empathize with most Malaysians with what they perceive of this country.

The message today isn't about if this country is crap or not. If we think it is and let it degrade the value of our citizenship, it's back to fighting for our independence once again. Not from some neo-colonialism or any terrorist threat of any sorts, but freedom from how we have brought our minds to be that there is nothing we can do about this country.

I don't think we need the 1Malaysia concept. We are actually already it. We need a personal independence for ourselves so that we can live and breathe Malaysia.

Graduation

2009-08-09T23:24:00.001+08:00

I'm finally done!

Yasmin

2009-07-27T11:06:00.001+08:00

You shall remain an inspiration to us all.

The Padang Assignment

2009-07-23T23:00:00.000+08:00

Smile

2009-07-01T00:49:00.000+08:00

You put the smile
Back on my face
You light up the times
When the pieces do not fit
Just for a while
All things found their way
Meanings were simple
In that moment of embrace

So this was what it feels like
Being with you
Just being with you
It's not so hard to define
I see from your heart
I see it in mine

It's from the start I've realised

So there was time
And distance in play
What first was impossible
Now came just to be
This is just how
It is to believe
All about finding out
What love truly is

Moonshine!

2009-06-06T16:16:00.001+08:00

I'll be playing for Moonshine @ Laundry this Thurs! Come young and old! :)

Padang

2009-06-05T19:54:00.006+08:00

Beside You

2009-06-01T01:58:00.002+08:00

Hugs and kisses
I am missing
You're on the other side
How I'm wishing
That I could only be
Right beside you

Days come to weeks and
The months do feel like years
But I promise
You're always on my mind
How I'm wishing
That I could only be
Right beside you

It's through this
That I'll know
I will never let you go
It's through this
That I see
Every truth behind this precious feeling

I'm counting down the days

We'll beat consequences
Love transcends through
all time and distance
You're all I'll ever want
I'll be waiting
Just to be here right beside you

I'm here right now
Hear me as I say
I'm closer to you everyday

Netbook

2009-05-26T22:33:00.004+08:00

I've been using my Lenovo S10 for two weeks now as my computer on the go. It's been performing really well. Featuring the now-standard 1.6-GHz Atom CPU and 2GB of RAM (I upgraded it), Photoshop runs smoothly, I dragged 20 jpeg images for processing, just to push the threshold of my netbook's power. It's big in size too, a 160 gig HDD makes this small wonder a monster storage by it's class.

I like it also due to it's no nonsense styling, most netbooks seem like toys to me! Haha.. But all in the name of preference. Customizability is possible, HDD upgradable too.

Last Thursday, Lenovo reported a net loss and sales decline for both the fourth quarter and fiscal year ended March 31. Well, I'm glad I was able to help out with this small purchase. Every penny counts!

Jobbing

2009-05-22T21:06:00.002+08:00

In an age whereby job security is a concern, my alarm is beeping, signalling that I'm raring to go. I'm being put in a unique situation and indirectly placed on a short term holiday, filled with freelancing assignments, the first being Padang. There's another one up this Sunday.

I guess it is something that I shouldn't rush in, however I am beginning to feel the parental pressure to step up. The fact is that I am bound by policy. Which means I have to play the game of my benefactor, the waiting game.

It is the calm before the storm. But it's not exactly stormy-like anyway. I appreciate the stillness of life now, as I can enter in focussed. But in the past few days, I've had some physiological disturbances. Very much linked to the swine flu fiasco but on the other hand had nothing to do with it.

I succumbed to a flu, the conventional type. But living in times such as this, especially after returning from overseas, I can't help but to imagine things.

Then at 4am today, I heard a voice that comforted me. She beeped. It's great to have someone being concerned for you. And despite the distance, I found my solace in prayer. I knew that it'll get better.

So in this period of transition still going, at least I know that university's really over for good as the pass/fail results came out today and showing no signs of failure. Now all that matters are the grades and it is a concern that I lay down in good faith. Will be fine.

Fertility, misc...

2009-05-18T18:35:00.006+08:00

I was on assignment to the land of the fertile.

Well not exactly... HAHA!!! :P Had a good laugh on this one. Funny how language can differ in meaning with the same spelling huh? This is a long awaited post, I've been meaning to update but due to the hectic schedule for the past month, this blog was left aside.

I...

Completed my thesis on self-censorship and its impact on the Malaysian press.
Finished university!
Participated in my church's play.
Got addicted to House.

Those things took a toll on my time. Now that all has ended, except for my addiction to House, I can resume to a more consistent trend of blogging. I'm sure that this inactivity has caused this domain to lose its web value.

This season of my life marks a new beginning for me.

I turned 22 on May 8, it was a humble day, not much of hype but my personal observation this time around was a little different. It's great having somebody with you during your special day huh. :)

This time around I wake up not having to worry about the next semester's exam or coursework assignments. It's a nice twist to the routine. I had one week to enjoy the period of nothingness then I was handed the assignment to Padang. More pictures to come.

And this for sure, more blogging to come.

Par Avion

2009-04-24T11:25:00.008+08:00

Hey all, I'm coming up with my self-made album. It's my first formal work called Par Avion, an airmail etiquette used to indicate that a letter is to be sent by airmail. This term has gain much prominence in this season of my life now. :)

I'll be selling them at my gigs or if you're interested to get it do give me a beep. It's RM 10. This is why I haven't been blogging much... Plus, I'm on the verge of graduation, which means the completion of my thesis, which was one heck of a writing spree.

Eternity

2009-03-23T22:26:00.002+08:00

Everyone of us has a sense of eternity. That is why forever resonates in us. Always remember that because reality, although being truthful can lie to us and make us forget about what's more important which defines us. Because truths can come in different form of depth perception.

Depth perception is the journey from the mind to the heart. It is a route where knowledge becomes wisdom and through that we make our choices and become the people who we are. In our youth, let naiveness be the protective layer so that we are able to envision things; even if they are impossible. Because when we are young, undeterred by the mould of reality, "We won't realize certain things are impossible. Which is why we will do them anyway." - Pitt the Younger.

When we are weakened by reality always let it be just as another discouragement, nothing more. We have the energy to be persistent, we have the idealistic perseverance to keep us from being jaded.

So, use this sense of eternity that is in you. Put forever in the equation of your endeavours, because forever is always going to be something relevant for us. Dream more; believe more and let it paint your world when you still can because you are a better painter for your life's canvas than reality. Why settle for second best?

Raub

2009-03-14T01:54:00.006+08:00

Every

2009-03-08T23:10:00.004+08:00

I had found you in
A space of time we've been
This precious memory
Won't escape me
It'll never leave
It goes so far beyond this
I finally found where my heart is
Dwelling in your grace
You'll have me with you
I'll be with you

Every night will pass as it should
For each day I'm closer to you
Every time, every blink of an eye
I keep thinking of you
Every day when you hear me say
You amaze me in so many ways
Every time, every beat of my heart
I keep thinking of you

You inspire me
It is all I need
I'll give my all to be
Forever with you
I'll be with you

Across the oceans where you are
You love transcends from miles so far
I find my place
In your love

Nudge

2009-03-05T18:29:00.006+08:00

Today I went out for a jog, not a long one... just a 4.5km routine; the first after she went back to Australia. So I told myself, that it will be the first of the many times now that I'd do it alone until we shall return to Kiara again.

After a little warm up (it's been almost a month since I've worked the cardio), I started upping my pace. It was a good return. I didn't slow down till the end of my first kilometer. The goal was to reach the golf course at the end of my neighbourhood, I'd take a breather there and head back jogging for another 2km before reaching home.

I made it (a personal achievement to be proud of. Been feasting like never before for the past 2 weeks for no apparent reason) there thanks to a little persistence and the radio I had on my headphones. Then as I was taking a half time break. My phone rang. It was her.

What a pleasant surprise. I was just dwelling in a small sense of nostalgia as I was starting up and now here she is talking to me. The phone call from Australia was good. She was alright, I told her I was too... I guess it's important, all the more now as we don't see one another except on webcam. But in the lighter note, this post isn't anything about this.

It began when we hung up.

My Nokia switched back to its radio mode (and yes, I listen to the news oriented BFM 89.9. Go listen, they play good music too) and the news announcer went, "...meanwhile the Australian S&P index ended stronger with gains after three straight days of losses."

It put a smile on my face. Co-incidence huh... So in the excitement of things (oh well, I get quite hyped up by these small things), I called her to share my small trivia. And as I hung up (I explained how my Nokia worked earlier)...

"I'm gonna love you. Till the stars fall from the sky for you and I..." - Touch Me by The Doors from their 1968 album The Soft Parade.

!!! So, is BFM trying to play a Bumblebee on me? HAHA! Is my Nokia secretly a Decepticon?? Okay... It's a little too much of imagination here for today. But never the less, small things such as these keeps me going and knowing that what I share lives in me and looks after me when I am going through a phase such as this. It just feels so real. I'm thankful.

:D

Sprout

2009-03-04T09:07:00.003+08:00

Sometimes, even people like me take time to see past the exterior. Especially when it comes to the things of the future when the present consequences does not offer adequate avenues for hope. But through time I've learnt how to take bigger steps in times like these. Then I find myself able to take hopeful strides towards the dreams that I have and share with others.

You see, I realise that I am growing up. For the first time it is a conscience observation, whereby I know that this process is actually happening. Normally in my younger days, I'll wake up to only realise that a certain part of my youth is gone; just like how the Form One and college transitions were like. Maybe it's because the next things that I am due for aren't going to be served on a platter for me to pick. I'll have to pursue them actively.

And obviously, I totally am reliant on Godly inspiration to be able to chase the dreams of love, career, family and ministry. In the recent weeks it was more of love and career. I guess it is because these are more urgent things to go for and the rest of my priorities are in good courses of moving forward.

Never before I'm put in a driving seat in a way like this before. The race is about endurance and I tell myself that I am able because I have chosen to be moulded for a future that requires good character. Sighs... maturity, now I really know that am really really growing up. *So fast*

Vision

2009-02-23T11:29:00.004+08:00

In the middle of last year, I realised that I was approaching to an end of a dream whereby all my juvenile aspirations are lived and are at their ends. However the recent inspirations of my life have made milestones in the future that I'll look forward to.

However, many a times, the hardest part in life is to wait. Especially when times are challenging and the only solace lies far in a future that needs months or even years to reach. Somehow, those who survived found inspiration along the way and despite the many easy way outs they endured only to find their destinies without compromise, true to it's first day of beckoning. Survival in this manner is indeed a triumphant occasion.

To see a reality come to past has always been a delight I treasure. There has been instances in the younger days whereby I saw good things; even in the recent days greater things that have been given to me to be passionate about. Love, service, career...

I found you, a purpose so strong. I'm constantly reminded of faith it propels me. Finally I am able to set my sights over to the other end of the horizon of this season. It is good. It will be a worthwhile pursuit.

Promise

2009-02-20T00:43:00.002+08:00

Will I ever see
Destiny
with you
I choose to hold on to
All the things
Our hearts been through
All of this while

I'll love you
Through the distance
And time
I'll love you till
the day I die
I love you now
I love you

When you find your way
I'll be there for you
Cause I chose to hold on to
All the things
I have said to you
All of this time

For all this while
For all the times to come
For every season
I love you

2009-02-17T00:53:00.006+08:00

There were countless times in the moments that I spent with you when I told myself that soon I shall have to face the reality of having distance and time to put what we hold and share to the test. That time, is now. But I carry good faith. My strength is blessed. I believe in you and trust God for whatever that may come.

I thank you for all that you've given me. It's more that what I could have asked for in the season that was for us.

I'm not hesitating this time. I'm glad as for every instance we had I treasured. You're the best I ever want to have.

I miss you.

Work

2009-01-22T16:48:00.000+08:00

I used to write about how important it is to find strength, to stand firm for my actions, the people and things I hold closest to my heart. It is vital. However, to see what that is written transcend to what there is in reality often takes more than a stroke of a pen.

I come from a close circle of friends whom are idealists; we all tell one another how capable we are of greatness. But lately we decided that it is through much work that we will be able to achieve what we want to.

From birth, I carried the Christian faith. When I grew older, I chose to accept the reality of Christ in my life, that He’s real to me in ways that blow my mind most of the time. However once in a while I get into a complacent mode of just riding the tide of routine. And time and again, I realize that it is through work that draws me back to what being a Christian is all about.

Some of my friends know that I write songs; a lot of songs about love. But having to sing and write isn’t enough for love. It is through much work that one will be able to see love grow.

I used to be an all out dreamer. But in the past few months, I’ve been taking more realistic attitudes towards seeing the things I hope to come to past. Things came, good and blessed things, but sometimes I am tired; tired from the raw and hard labour.

And when these moments of fatigue come my way, the things and people that I champion for whispers encouragement to me and in the simplest way I get back right up on my feet.

Passion, I believe does not run you dry, nor does it tire you. Instead it fuels you with the insatiable devotion for the things you hold closest to your heart.

Gratitude

2009-01-13T00:20:00.004+08:00

I'm staring at an empty create post page after witnessing a world's predicament from a third person perspective.

Gaza.

Politicians have had their two cents, economists have gave their takes, academicians had their thoughts. I might be no where near the credibility of these people but I'm one like most out there; sleeping with the thought of the weight of the world, concerned that those responsible to bear it might not have the strength to.

Therein lies another realisation; to make those in my world reap good things, live better lives, find greater strength. I might be nobody in answering the plight of those engulfed within atrocities, but I can be somebody to those in my world.

Tonight, I sleep with much thankfulness so that tomorrow, I'll better cherish those who shimmer in my life.

Pray

2009-01-08T04:02:00.005+08:00

You gave me a glimpse of a future
With you
Standing vulnerable
Surreal yet true
When it seems all confusing
I stand here just waiting
Being vulnerable
Just waiting for you

I'll pray and I'll pray
And I'll pray and I'll pray
And I'll pray
That your heart will finally
Find its way

I'm sorry if I made it
So hard for you
Being vulnerable
The weight on you
Be free now your ways are
To futures and hope
My promises stay
They wait for you

You're in my secret place
I will find my way
I will find you
You're in my secret place
I will find you

Begin

2009-01-01T14:24:00.001+08:00

It has never come to me before, the level of perception that I woke up with today. Drained as I may seem, I may be tired and weary but work has been done for the betterment of things. As I greet this new year with dashes of fatigue, the greater good has happened.

My past two reflections has been the realisation in me to be a stronger person. But today I realised that there are few that has been strong for me, they shall be mentioned as 'you'.

You did not have it in the best platters of childhood, or in the best avenues of youth. However today as you spoke to me, it ignited much confidence for living and although sometimes, we don't really have much time together, you've been instrumental to making me to become the person that I am today.

You're a long suffering, ever loving person. You know what makes me happy, you're the first person I'd known in my life here. You delight in my triumphs, accept me in my defeats.

You rally behind me, all of you. I'm glad that I am able to be of service to you, but time and again, I am blessed to have strong acceptance and support. It gives me a greater will to be a better leader in the year to come.

As for you, your honesty speaks volumes to me. You've made me realise a lot of things. You were strong in being able to see what is relevant in the midst of disillusionment. That's strength that I'm learning to have. I'm hiding all that there is in the secret places of my heart, only to find you again when the time is right.

What a venture there is ahead. Let's make this year count.

End

2008-12-31T07:37:00.003+08:00

The greatest lessons in life become pseudo-dramatic when it strikes at the eleventh hour, at pivotal moments of times when you lay meaning to the things that are close to you. For me, there was never one that meant so much to me and it happened yesterday.

I listened to a eulogy of a dear friend's father that reminded all that as we live, we live not for ourselves but for the lives of others. I guess the reality of the statement is true as I enter into this new year.

The year that passed was a year of great hope, persistence and belief. But when these entities of optimism goes beyond the invitational boundaries, I struggled to keep them afloat amidst the undesired circumstances.

The thing I found to be funny is that even though it is within my responsibility to douse the flame of my hopes with waters of realisation, the hope flame is, a fire difficult to put out.

At a time when I need to lose my sights on the light of things, I find the illumination painting a sight ever so bleak.

Many year ends of mine are spent in the revelling of new mandate for living, but this time, I have learnt that when it comes to things such as love, hope is something that can make or break me.

I stand by withered thoughts, the journey that you've brought me to brings me to its perceived conclusions but all within me wants to take it further. Maybe it is time for me to traverse this path alone until I cannot walk it anymore.

I'll hope to find you in the right season. Until that very day where the inevitability of the end lies, I'll stay. I have to; it makes me feel alive.

Know

2008-12-26T01:16:00.006+08:00

I feel that in life, there is no escape. What we're looking for is a sense of liberation, definition and purpose. Liberation for the freedom to chart our own destiny, definition to create an ownership to our existence and purpose to make this lives of ours count. Today was a long day, my longest Christmas ever. Dec 25th to me was never as meaningful as this.

I learnt that we have to be strong in pursuit of the dreams we want and gentle in caring for those who resides coherently in these pursuits. We also have to be zealous to push our purpose towards reality.

But on top of it all, we have to find solace in our Creator and lay our lines of destiny according to the blueprint He has set for us.

I want to do the right thing. I want to be strong.

Blessed Christmas.

Last Song

2008-12-07T16:46:00.009+08:00

Close your eyes, hold my hand
As we venture in to the end of time
It will all be fine
Trust your steps, hold your breath
As we go beyond the boundaries
Just believe me

Here's to the days of us
Everlasting love
Here's to the song that'll stay
Singing from above

Read my lips, as I say
Keep the first three words you heard today
Nothing's changed
Hear your thoughts, once again
When your heart beats like a storm within
I'm therein

This is our first song
Then when all things were new
This is our last song
My love's conclusion in you
Despite the hesitations, this song explains it all. :)

Birds

2008-11-30T01:59:00.002+08:00

It didn't see me behind my tinted room windows.

Teething

2008-11-28T01:22:00.007+08:00

Everyone's wasted a little bit of their youth to things like laziness, addictions and vulgarity. I wasted my fair share, but that's another story to tell for another day. For now, I'm drawn to the aspect of definition. People call this phase of life as a 'coming of age'.

Most of the time this 'coming of age' happens at the dusk of youth whereby one realises that adulthood is an inevitable future. Then, one will probably have already made a couple of mistakes, learn from them and then become better people from there.

I've had conversations with my older peers; it is evident that they carry something with them, an identity, something that sticks with them. I've met some older people, who grew up under the early introductions of the New Economic Policy and were denied the chance of education and career opportunity. They bear a self-made independence, discipline and minimal adherence to new thought. Probably it's due a belief system that has worked for them and has seen them through all those years of struggle.

Maybe the greatest thing that will ever hit you is the idealism that you have or once had. And when the hope proves itself once, twice, three times to be inspirational, we attribute to whatever achievement to this set of principles that we will hold to for a very long time.

I wonder what is it that powers the minds of my elders - my mom and dad. Because although most of the time there is a generation clash of thoughts, my individual humanity evolves exactly just the same as the both of them, more evidently with my dad, only that I'm having the more contemporary version of mindset.

Soon, I shall be having my very own stagnant collection of principles. I hope that I'll choose the right ones and have the strength to change the invalid ones when things get a little too stagnant to eradicate.

Comeback

2008-11-26T01:44:00.002+08:00

The essay that saved my grade.

Ethics is a subject that I really delight in; most principles do compliment my idealism on but none comes close with the eloquence of faith, as it was and still is the primary worldview that I choose not only to adapt but to trust and believe in. I’ve read and indulged in many ethical views, discussed and reviewed ethical issues in class through these fourteen weeks and it leaves me with a conclusion that through ethical philosophy, there can never be an absolute right or an absolute wrong. Only that consequence can be justified.

However, there are three big lessons that I’ve learnt from this subject. Firstly, is to indulge in ideals and always perceive them to come true one day. I took a keen interest in the conviction of Socrates, although he wasn’t in syllabus, I read about him as he did a lot to inspire his student, Aristotle. Now Socrates' pursuit of virtue and his strict adherence to truth clashed with the current course of Athenian politics and society, which Athenians found him guilty of and subjected him to death.

It is believed that Socrates had an opportunity to escape, as his followers were able to bribe the prison guards. He chose to stay and embrace death for several reasons, which marveled me.

Socrates believed such a flight would indicate a fear of death, which he believed no true philosopher has. Furthermore he knowingly agreed to live under the city's laws, which implicitly subjected himself to the possibility of being accused of crimes by its citizens and judged guilty by its jury. To do otherwise would have caused him to break his "social contract" with the state, and so harm the state, an act contrary to Socratic principle.

Until today, his legacy lives on, his thoughts continue to inspire and remains the fundamental aspect of ethical knowledge because he stood for what he believed in even in the situation of facing death itself.

Secondly, I’ve learnt that the world can be a better place. I drew a great sense of idealism from the idea of John Rawls, on his theory of justice. His idea made believe that a just society can be developed, where liberty and equality is reconciled in a principled way. The beauty about this idea to me is that it revives my belief in democracy. It vanquishes the capitalist assault on the democratic ideal.

Thirdly, I realized that there are conflict points between law and ethics, and to do good, sometimes it comes with a cost – to break the very construct of justice. Lawrence Kohlberg’s model of moral reasoning made me realize that social systems are never perfectly defined; hence there is a need to address to the flaws of man-proposed justice by breaking the social norm at times to answer the call for a greater justice. However noble the cause, to be a revolutionist is difficult, as one could be martyred for being unpopular.

Through the lessons, my own development in my ethical viewpoint has been enriched, I perceive ethics with a greater intellect and it is with this strengthen mindset I am more morally conscious. In the aspect of society, I have found hope and optimism for co-existing individualism. In the aspect of situational morals, I found myself being more analytical.

Most importantly, in the aspect of journalism, I have, to a certain extend found politics to be an insignificant worldview for me. I have become apolitical but I share the visions of politicians. My pursuit for these visions as a journalist will be radically different than of politicians because I know that my moral judgments are unbiased and I hold no political obligations.

I’ve learnt all the more to serve my personal purpose in heading towards a career which is ethically challenging, which is to abide truly to truth. However the challenge for me will suffice, there will be moments where I shall have to choose between the harder right and the easier wrong. I guess this is where the aspect to faith comes in, when the need for more than an ethical guideline emerges; the morality of my being will seek for strength to be able to do the right things. Principles are noble, but I believe that faith is the strength for me. Furthermore, I feel that there is a broader acceptance for faith based convictions in society as we are mutually rooted in a belief system where there is a certain respect for decisions based on faithful convictions, a certain sense of 'immunity' there.

For whatever the cause there is to pursue in the future, I’ve learnt that going for the most ethical decision will be worth every sacrifice because it's all about having a clear, justified conscience in the end of the day.

Hesitate

2008-11-20T01:21:00.006+08:00

I knew I'd missed you. Then there were envisioning thoughts in my head as you went away; I thought of the first words I would say the next time we'd meet. However when that day came, the construction of these thoughts crumbled as I hesitated. Maybe this is how it works for me naturally. The embarking takes greater strength than the conceptualisation. It's not that with this I'm at a visible loss, but the loss of potential is loss still. It's like I've missed a pivotal moment in capturing a photograph that will win the Pulitzer Prize for photography.

All I wanted was just to say I missed you.

Then

2008-11-18T00:33:00.005+08:00

You made believe
Said your prayers
Wished upon a star
In your dreams you linger
In your innocence

You said where are you now?
I'm here
You said where are you now?
I'm here

The day will come
When you'll see me smile at you
But now
I see these dreams but I'm
So far away
Wait for me to come to you
For now
Know that I will find my way

You're such a sweet symphony
I listen as you speak
In your dreams you whisper
Wishful thoughts they are

The day has come
Now you'll see me smile at you
And I
See your dreams where I have found
My way
The distance has disappeared from here today
Finally we're right here to stay

Odds

2008-11-06T22:32:00.006+08:00

Meeting Kee Tuan Chye, an admired newspaper editor was indeed somewhat of a litmus test on the validity of the journalistic passions in me that brewed throughout my degree education. At the dusk of it all, when someone of Kee's stature comes up and tells you that there is no future in journalism, it's either that he is right, or I have made the biggest mistake of my life, ever.

But, I think I'll turn out alright.

The day at university wasn't as brightly lit as America is right now. When the 'audacity of hope' shimmers throughout the most prominent democracy in the world, I watched Malaysians politicians in the country battling out over petty protocol at the expense of legislative time allocated to determine national budget.

But, I still love my country more.

I'm reading a lot on journalism philosophy now, and all it has to say about Malaysia is that the press functions like a watchdog on a very short leash all muzzled up. Then again, I remember already knowing that fact going into college.

But, being a journalist is still what I want to be.

Looks like I'd rather keep to the ideals that had me marvelled when I was younger, sleepless before the first day of college and happy as I saw my very first byline. I might be wrong, but who cares, the biggest right is actually making the choices that I won't regret.

And for everything else, God help me! :D

Cloth&Clef

2008-10-14T21:39:00.001+08:00

Taken by Julian Cheong

FEEDBACK!

2008-10-08T04:12:00.005+08:00

FEEDBACK is an open mic show that happens once a month (every 2nd Saturday) at Cloth & Clef in Changkat Bukit Bintang.

This month's line-up will be Aubrun (they rock, I like them), Jerome Kugan (Awesome guy! Acoustic like me PLUS a laptop sometimes) and I are gonna be up.

BUT it is not only us this time round. YOU get a shot too!

If you're interested to sign up come slightly earlier to sign up for a slot. You get to play 1-2 songs depending on how many sign ups there are. Set-up wise a full band can be supported (we have 2 guitar amps, a bass amp a drum kit and vocal mics). Please bring your own cables. Bands as well as solo acts are welcome.

The Facebook event page - *Click*
The blogspot event page - *Click*

Ps: Will embark on some quality writing soon, I promise. I miss that too.. :)

Summer

2008-09-26T04:27:00.005+08:00

Maybe I'll jump right out of this
I'm standing on the edge of the world
Most of the time I feel this way
when I think about you
Maybe it's time to take a break
Away from all this things of this world
Most of the time you come my way
What will I do without you

Seasons passed you're still the same
You're my everlasting summer

Maybe
I was right
I was right
All this while
All this while
about you

Maybe I'll just have to turn around
You're on the other side of the world
Most of the time I feel this way
when I think about you

All this while
All this while
I was right
I was right
About you

Sat's gig

2008-09-23T00:38:00.005+08:00

Moonshine was uberr! Classic Romantic had a twist in the solo; it was awesome finally being up at Moonshine. Will do this again if the chance comes. Many thanks to those who came, Heng Joe for the guitar accompaniment, Reza for the gig, Apartment for the food! :D

Moonshine!

2008-09-18T17:34:00.004+08:00

This month's acoustic installment features RASHDAN HARITH, REZA SALLEH, JOSHUA FOONG (me!) and JOE LOY. *Click*

MOONSHINE happens every 2nd Thursday at Laundry Bar, The Curve and every 3rd Saturday at Apartment Suria KLCC. It showcases acts from the Malaysian independent music scene and is organised by singer-songwriter Reza Salleh. For more info visit moonshinekl.blogspot.com

It's my big break! Come by KLCC on Sat! I'll do my new songs. And to those who love "Classic Romantic", it's a mandatory number. :)

Sept16

2008-09-16T02:11:00.004+08:00

Zaid Ibrahim for Prime Minister, anyone? :D

Will You

2008-09-11T00:46:00.005+08:00

Will you wait for me
Hold on to all that is within
I'm on my way
To sweep you of your feet
One day
Unknown to all that I have seen
Please will you, will you

Wait for me
Wait for me
Will you wait
For me

I had known for sure
To hold on to all of mine that's dear
It'll be for awhile
You're not so far away
To me
I sense you in all that you are
So please will you, will you

Merdeka

2008-09-08T21:26:00.005+08:00

The defining point of the racially laced politics in the country draws its roots from how this country came into formation. Tun Dr. Ismail had it explained well,

"Under colonial rule there was a cumulative increase in the population of immigrant races, especially those of Chinese origin and to a lesser extent the Indians, the latter brought in mainly to work in the rubber estates owned by the British.

No attempt was made to make these immigrants loyal citizens of Malaya. The British were content to see that so long as they obey the laws of the country, they could come and leave as they please.

As a result of this policy, when more and more of them settled in Malaya, the result was an increasing number of aliens in the country who, on the whole, were richer and more vigorous than the Malays.

When the Malays seized political power after the Second World War, their main defence against their more virile and richer neighbours was to deny them the right of citizenship."

Although this struggle was stirring within society, the country victoriously fought for independence. But situations got worse, and when 13/05/69 happened, Ismail asked,

"Why did we fight for Merdeka? So that the different races can be divided? That can't be the way, right? That can't be why all these great Malay and Umno leaders fought for this ... Something is wrong..."

"I hope the new discussions will start. Why are we building Malaysia? What Malaysia are we building? What kind of symbol is Malaysia supposed to be?"

If only I had seen the likes of his being, and even though Ismail passed on years before I came by, he has my respect. He is, indeed a true Malay leader. However, even an idealist like him, had to implement the NEP, a policy, which he deemed the only way then to stop racial clashes like the ones that took place in May 1969 from ever happening again. But almost 40 years has passed. Isn't it about time that society took a further sight beyond the lines of race, to stop sucking from a very very old pacifier?

If it isn't racism, then why do politicians thread on racial sentiments? Why do we define the constitution as an understanding and compromise when it is being used as in instrument of the apologetics of racial rights? Why do we need to live under a system that is irrelevant to a pluralistic society.

Change must not be an option. It must happen because the need is relevant. Saudara, we need to work harder than before.

Randomm

2008-09-03T02:18:00.003+08:00

I need to get in touch with my blogging fundamentals once again. There were the early days when blogging was an affair that I looked forward too, updates were coming regularly. But now, things with blogging and I seem to be less 'intimate'. LOL!

Anyway, despite everything here, I'm doing great, just emerging from a depressing bout with food poisoning and bad coursework marks. Slowly but surely, the good things are to arrive shortly, as the phase of mishaps slowly fade away, just in time for my optimism to be refuelled again before I face the exams.

For everything else that is happening around me, the Anwar return - that story was pretty much more of an anticipation rather than a surprise. The political situation is pretty helpless for the government right now. Throughout the months I've been trying to stay apolitical, but I can't help it to feel like an audience watching a tragic movie as the Barisan Nasional disintegrate and a new power emerges.

The story of Anwar below was meant for publication, however wasn't used. I had an interview with Hannah Tan that day; which was published.

True enough, I'm not in my blogging element right now. Everything here's done pretty much on an obligatory commitment. I love this online space of mine, but right now, it deserves so much better from me. :)

I Trust

2008-08-21T02:21:00.009+08:00

This is for Wong Ju Liang, classmate and brother in Christ. Your faith amazes me. Rest in peace.

My confidence resides in You
My everlasting strength
You held me in Your arms
How could I ever leave your grace

My destiny is just for You
Forever You're with me
As I delight in Your love
How could I ever leave Your grace

My sweet surrender
I trust in You
My sweet surrender
I trust in You

Your majesty resides in me
Though I do not deserve
You caught me in Your love
How could I ever leave Your grace

Permatang Pauh!

2008-08-14T19:18:00.000+08:00

Being politically apathetic is becoming irrelevant for us young people. We live in defining moments, under unpredictable political climates. It has always been a personal concern for us Malaysians, like it or not especially at a time like this because as most people say, since March 8th, the political landscape has been changed forever. However, the concern of one man about the current times is closer to him than everybody else's. His name is Anwar Ibrahim.

Here he is, standing at a political frontier, defiant of the 'sodomy charges', that once he was convicted of before in 1998. The case 10 years ago took a surprising twist when in September 2004, when the federal court decided to overturn his conviction and nine-year jail sentence - a decision which Anwar believed at that moment he had Prime Minister Badawi to thank for.

However, last Wednesday when Anwar was charged with sodomy and pleaded not guilty to the offence, he accused Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi of engineering the charges to sabotage the by-election he is contesting at Permatang Pauh.

The funny thing about this case is that if Anwar's statements are true, the same force that was behind his early vindication is now plotting his political downfall. Then again on Wednesday itself, Badawi denied any involvement in orchestrating the charge, now deemed as 'Sodomy 2'.

Who are we to believe? Saiful? Anwar? Guilty or not, the case has threatened the integrity of Anwar, like how one politician in January had his career interrupted because of a sex scandal. However truthful this debacle, is this what we Malaysians should be concerned about?

At the height of the American economy in the 90's, the nation was dogged by a political sex scandal emerging from a sexual relationship between United States President Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky. The investigation, which led to the impeachment of President Clinton in 1998, was acquitted by the Senate. The point being here is that the US was not bugged by the issue, the political system remained above those in power, it was just another court proceeding.

We Malaysians should be concerned about Malaysia. Our country should be able to progress in whatever leadership because this is what democracy is all about, collectively approving the people and policies to run this nation. We may share the same ideals with our Barisan Nasional government or even concur with the Opposition alternatives but what we shouldn’t do is to let one man’s strive be the mindset of our democratic point of view.

Our leaders are here for a season; as long as democracy persists they prevail to serve us. If our beliefs were focused on personalities, it would be more of a ‘fan club’ for us.

We are at a stage where reasoning is crucial in what we believe in. This is where our responsibilities lie in the freedom we enjoy. For me, it’s good luck Anwar in proving your innocence.

I do

2008-08-11T00:28:00.005+08:00

Self explanatory
Simple to the point yet
difficult to say
More than just rhetoric
Justifies conditions
In cryptic definitions

When I say
I love you
I do

You're here
standing right in front of me
Whispering your thoughts that
leaves me disarrayed
I silently contemplate
When I found what's true
I'll say this to you

I love you
I do

Raub

2008-07-31T18:15:00.001+08:00

Raub was a great experience. The Senai tribe are living simple lives but with great faith... Here are all the good pics in one go! :D

Dreamers

2008-07-29T23:22:00.003+08:00

From building swings
To growing wings
My heart still clings,to childish things
Our silly dreams, they stay

Wink and blink
The same we think
ideal and noble ways to live
Our big fat dreams, they stay

Once in a while, I spot a smile mmhhmmm...
I hear you say, "Go seize the day!" I will

Our backs we had
Through good and bad
We laughed and cried, giggled and wept
Our silly dreams, they stay

Once in a while, I spot a smile mmhhmmm...
I hear you say, "Go seize the day!" I will
I'm asking you to do the same, will you?
Eventually we'll find the greatest view

Hand on my heart, your memory in mind
A prayer for you, for all of your time
He sees that dream, in you

*Part of this was adapted from a poem a dear friend shared to me.

Being

2008-07-28T01:25:00.005+08:00

Once in a while, a great movie comes along and does a cardiopulmonary resuscitation to my failing heart of idealism. No, it wasn't Batman, although it had me glued to my cinema seat for two and a half hours twice but it was another, Lions for Lambs. The movie was about a story that had many stories in it. But the one that hit me was this guy, Todd Hayes, an idealistic punk who had a memorable hour with his professor.

The thing that struck me was at the very end of the show, he returned after a much strenuous teacher-student talk and realised that he had to do something with this potential.

I envied Todd.

I envied him a lot because here at my place, I don't really get impressed with goals and challenges that will move and shake me.

I need something to move me. I realised all I'm worried about in uni is to satisfy prerequisites. I feel that I am in a static formulation of moulding, although consistent, everything seems redundant. A third of my credit hours are spent creating marketable advertising campaigns. How useful will that be for me?

When I ask that question, the answers I am getting are pretty laced with the traditional reverence to the institution. "It is best for me", "I have to be holistic". This respect is irrelevant. I have no problems in student mannerism (I'm still in uni, not expelled), but what I choose to refuse to do is to let the establishment define me within their boring system.

On Wednesday, there will be a briefing on my final year project. It's been three years of having them certifying me by their definition. I must graduate in May with the conscience that I have pursued meaning to what I would do and become for the rest of my life.

All in a thick book called a thesis, a statement of what I want to know and have found out. Wednesday…

I want to do this because if I don't STAND for something, I might FALL for anything. This thesis HAS to mean something.

Sequels

2008-07-22T18:45:00.003+08:00

For a good three years now, everything has seem to be in sync with a goal. I had faith within an enthusiasm to pursue this route of journalism. It was my responsibility then, to set academic goals for myself. It might have not been the best of what there is, but I really felt convicted that I had Godly direction. And that is good enough for me.

I had a conversation with a dear friend, Erng Mei a few days before her 21st and she asked me of the things I want to do and achieve in this new point of time. I turned 21 a long time ago in May but Mei reminded me to think about the things I want to do.

With that question, I realised that owning a house, getting that job and driving that car does not capture the essence of significance.

I need a worthy cause, a fresh revelation.

At church or at meetings with my church peers, when we pray, sometimes things just get spoken to you and you'd really find it relevant to your life and when you decide to take the calling up and be responsive to it, in a Godly momentum, things will start happening.

I had one a few years back and it has fuelled me till today. But my revelation-o-meter is signalling that this phase of life is going to be over soon (it really is... studies will be done in a couple of months). It's like a beacon in me, alight to find a cause to take up.

It's my spiritual expectation.

Sweetheart

2008-07-12T23:17:00.007+08:00

my childhood sweetheart
We've grown really far apart now
I've been going through
The old conversations
On little pieces of paper

I was a boy
I was coy
Innocent,
Didn't know why
And how to speak my mind
It froze every time
I saw you
Little you
With your friends
It was intimidating
I had many goosebumps
on my back

This is to you
my childhood sweetheart
We've don't even have each other's number now
I've been going through
The old photographs
Of little me and little you

You were that girl
Little girl
Told the world
That i had seen an angel
Till today you're still a pretty one to me
Till today you're still a pretty one to me
Till today you're still a pretty one to me

High School

2008-07-12T08:12:00.003+08:00

Kell, Harold, me

Cow, Kell, Yen Ling

Me & Michelle

Michelle & Evelyn

Me & Jiaheng

Yi Xong & Kell

All together now!

Rindu

2008-07-01T00:25:00.009+08:00

Bagaimana rentak hati kau yang didengari ku
Di ambang
Malam sunyi
Di sisir pantai pagi
Ku mendengari

Dimana ceritanya bermula
Aku tidak terhenti bertanya

Dimana kau
Dimana mu
Hatiku rindu
Mencari-cari
Dimana kau
Dimana mu
Ku termenung
Ku rindu, rindu

Aku
Melihat
Kau berlayar menerusi lambang realiti mimpi
Sebutlah
Kisah hati
Menuju ke destinasi, aku menujui

*My first Malay piece! :D

Stretch!

2008-06-26T00:34:00.005+08:00

Back flips, cutwheels... were acts that I thought I couldn't pull off, but during my Media Ethics class, it was exactly what I did, only in the confines of my mind.

When you study ethics, in the beginning, the intellect required is intermediatary, easy steps of comprehension. Easy because it was fundamental; it gets complicated later as ethics was only widely pursued scientifically in the modern times.

Yes there were early, early pioneers like Aristotle and Socrates, but there was a huge gap in the branching out of ethical knowledge, it was slower lah. Back in the dark, middle and imperialist ages, everyone was fighting, how to be ethical??

But as modernity came into age, more and more philosophers and figures of antropology and social sciences emerged spurring an exponential development in ethical viewpoints. Each development a refinement in making the black look more distinguished with the white (people will understand what’s good and bad better la).

Yesterday the class discussed about John Rawls. If my mental intellect was a physical quotient, I must say the agility requirement I need to fully grasp the concept and believe in such idealism is of the likes of Nadia Comaneci! John Rawls' idea of the Veil of Ignorance – Go read it up on Wiki or something if you need a good mental stretch – like how my tutor described it: Mental gymnastics!

However, while I regard the study of ethics as scientific and although explanations are academically precise, faith is, for me a better place to seek definitions when my mind cannot see because all I need to do is just believe.

Aspirants

2008-06-24T12:27:00.000+08:00

Some of my closest friends were talking about dreams and the biggest things that they want to achieve in their lives. We went a round, some shared magnificent dreams of being successful and some had rustic, peaceful wine-growing ambitions ;). There was one noble aspirant, seeking to one day eradicate poverty.

My turn was up, but somehow I hadn't put any thought into my sharing. I spoke and I realised that I was unready to proceed as my idealism has yet to be lodged from the apertures of my mind.

But somehow, when I spoke, I shared about my biggest dream in eloquence; semantics aside (I could have probably done better with my sentence construction), the dream came out from a different intellect in me.

"The biggest dream in my heart is to know someone and love her and her loving me."

I assured you, there were a lot of resistance that held me as I spoke, firstly, in my social circle, I would be deemed as a corny love-weakened idealist. Secondly, it is not materialistically comparable to the dreams that my other friends had. However, they kept listening with eagerness.

These friends are true friends to me because sometimes, when I weave a definition of myself unconventional to the general meaning of being an individual, they accept me. They also give me a rational justification in their point of view on my ideas, traits and actions because collectively they see things about me that I don't see. There is where I am helped to reason out stuff.

I feel that sometimes my role with these dear friends of mine is somewhat like how they are to me, when one of them needs a little counsel.

About my dream, it's pretty much self explanatory. I'd probably be writing a song about it (LOL!).

To fit into all social circles is impossible but to have one encircle around you because of who you are, is already enough.

Goodnight

2008-06-20T15:03:00.000+08:00

Goodnight dear
Goodnight
Let me tuck you in
Let me tuck you in

I'll see
You of the other side
In dreams
Hold my hand till
the dawn arrives
With me
With me
With me

This is Acoustic!

2008-06-16T23:05:00.004+08:00

The night before...

The night itself...

Serenade

Izzy, me and Wani

College homies

The unofficial encore

2008-06-15T20:15:00.003+08:00

My first song in 2 months!

I look for strength
Are you there?
I need you more right now
It feels like I am
Slowly falling
Into your grace of Yours

These days go by and
Still I'm wanting more
I'm wanting more of you

The consequence had
Me all drained but
You gave me a faith
Its always when I
Fall when you come
And never let me go

You have
Loved me
Loved me

Song list

2008-06-13T09:22:00.002+08:00

I think I'll play these songs tomorrow. :)

Wiki
Date
Brilliant
Lying Awake
Isn't that
Ride
Classic Romantic
*back- up*
Where ever

Remember,
Venue : KLpac - IndiCine, Level 2
Tine: 8:30 pm
Price : RM12 flat

Hope to see you guys there!

Reality Bites

2008-06-05T18:27:00.007+08:00

For long, Malaysian fuel prices have stood stagnant in the midst of a global crisis. This sustainability has cost us and will continue to affect us as long we are reliant on fossil fuels. I find it almost a non-issue; the opposition should not launch an all out tirade against the Barisan Nasional for the increase in price, for we Malaysians have been living in our own bubble economy blown by the legacy-leaving-Tun, who, until today haven’t called it a day yet.

Why the term bubble-economy? We have been ignorant to the fact that global fuel price do affect us. The fuel price surge has been borne by the government all these while, whereby billions of Ringgit are allocated for fuel subsidies a year, a politically wise choice for the short term but a drastically damaging economic choice.

The Malaysian society demanded for change during the March 8th elections. Clearly, the ruling coalition for almost 50 years have been shaken badly, prompting changes, needed changes to the country. However in the aspect of the price hike that commences today, there is only one reason why Malaysians will go to the streets to protest the petrol price hike.

Pampered.

The government does not control the global market for fossil fuel. Prices of commodities are volatile, we have to accept that. Our RM1.92 per litre has been on the price tag since Feb 26, 2006, defiant in the midst of serious surges of petrol price inflation.

The point being here, is definitely not an advocacy of BN apologetics, but the reiteration of the fact that we Malaysians have to look at it in a broader manner, the magnitude of the issue is purely economic, hence, if people take to the streets, they should have a clear understanding on the energy market functions and how we Malaysians have benefited (and still are benefiting) from the tremendous subsidies all these years.

As a consumer, a relatively young one, this, is the most significant economic policy that has ever hit me. Yes, I do feel the pinch, in fact I dread the reduction in subsidies. Don't get me wrong, but like what a FOMCA spokesperson advocated over Radio Bernama 24 today, people have to accept this (petrol price increase) as a reality, it gears us up as speculators are predicting that this oil-producing nation of ours are going to be net importers of oil in the next 5 to 10 years time! That means, prices will be more volatile then.

Trust me, if the Pakatan took government would be facing the same headache too. But if they were to be stuck in a political pride, I reckon they would exhaust our country’s funds to subsidise Malaysians and pacify the society for short term.

I’ll be disappointed if the Opposition politicises this manner. Focus on VK Lingam instead. ^^

Ps: But like any other whining Malaysian, I pumped FULL TANK before the clock stuck 12…

This Is Acoustic

2008-06-03T22:53:00.004+08:00

Optimists will note that the Malaysian indie music scene is thriving. There are more homegrown singer-songwriters now than ever before. Cynics will comment that there still aren't enough avenues for these struggling musicians. Cue This is Acoustic!

>>Wani Ardy
Wani Ardy is a scriptwriter by day and a songwriter by night. She calls herself "Senikatawati" as she is a "wati" who works with "seni" and "kata". She writes her songs in Bahasa Malaysia and English - nothing Shakespearean - just feelings and stories.

>>Joshua Foong
Joshua is a boy with a guitar in his bedroom, his safe place, confiding in song. Joshua has performed with the likes of Mia Palencia and Tempered Mental and feels most comfortable when it's just down to him and his guitar.

Most of his song writing experience has been through podcasts, memorable shows and burning cds of his work for friends.

>>Ian Chow
Besides spending most of his free time on his PS2, Ian is currently attached to The Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre (KLPac) as its Theatre Manager and is also Production Director for the Young Choral Association.

Armed with guitar and harmonica, this self-taught musician has helped budding singer-songwriters by producing a series of acoustic gigs entitled, This Is Acoustic!, Open Doors and Music at the Lobby together with Troubadours Enterprise, KLPac and The Actors Studio.

Izzy Mohamed
Izzy started singing in a band called Cultural Cocktails and then played bass for bands like Escaping Monday and Ziel, all the time working on her own material...

Izzy now juggles both his solo singer-songwriting as well as playing in a rock band!

(One of my favourite songwriters!)

This Is Acoustic (conceptualised by Ian Chow and Dato’ Faridah Merican in 2005) is a series of acoustic gigs supported by KLPac and TAS which aims to provide a platform for budding, yet-to-be discovered talents. Featuring new singer-songwriters performing their original compositions in a comfortable, acoustic setting. Every performer is equal yet unique.

**
Venue : IndiCine, Level 2
Category : Concert
Price : RM12 flat

--

Well, it's gonna be another great experience for me. :)

Répondez s'il vous plaît

Drought

2008-06-01T22:49:00.001+08:00

For weeks, I’ve been idle with my acoustic guitar, burning nights in vain trying to find muse. It has to be the hardening of the fluidity that I once had in just being able to express lyrically and expound further in a musical opus. Friends have said that my work had been keeping my writing at bay.

It’s a terrible struggle to be in, for although my determination rises like huge waves ready to collapse, but the thoughtless barrier remains steadfastly strong despite attempt after attempt to see even a hint of muse manifesting itself on humble guitar chords.

There are text files on my computer desktop containing lyrics, accumulated over the nights of this so called song writing drought. There are guitar riffs in my head. The difficult part is to get them together.

I’ve listened to songs, many of them I do not know titles to it. Been doing stuff.

But lest, I forget, it is the muse that finds me. When my eyes are closed as my fingers flick the air and make that sound.

When it eventually happens, I’ll know it for sure. And it will be one experience to savour.

Last Day

2008-05-22T00:07:00.008+08:00

130 days.

Albeit the difficulties and the challenges, I have found my internship at theSun an enlightening time. To say that all my goals were achieved would be partially correct, I did focus on the areas that I have set myself to work towards but although so, I acknowledge that there is still a long way to go for me.

I am very thankful to theSun for allowing me to pursue my development as a journalist with them. They have accommodated me with an excellent platform. I see working here as a great prospect; I know I will enjoy being part of the team here but coming out from university would see me serve my scholarship bond with The Star, which I look forward to with much anticipation.

Even when the employers knew that I was coming in with the scholarship bond, they did not in any instances discriminate me. For that I am utterly grateful for the fairness that was shown to me. Who knows, in the future we may be working together again. I look forward to chances such as this.

I’ve came across many role models at theSun. They have set a lasting impression in me and have inspired me to weave similar principles and virtues that I shall hold firm to in my career as a journalist.

Bringing back with me to class is a refreshed scepticism as industry-relevant knowledge is KING, not static textbook ideals that through the years aged throughout revolutions of the profession. The thing about what I'm being taught is that these knowledge are sometimes left out of review, which makes lessons to be more and more irrelevant when journalism progresses. But I do believe that certain principles learnt are evergreen like technical aspects and journalism fundamentals.

It was more than just an industrial training for me. It was an experience of a lifetime that I’ll never forget.

To all at theSun, thank you.

Pics to come soon. :)

New Neighbours

2008-05-11T21:19:00.003+08:00

New neighbours shifted in front of my house today. There were signs that they are expecting some kids soon.

Thanks!

2008-05-08T21:42:00.004+08:00

To all the well wishers, thanks.

On May 4th last year I wrote, "Soon I shall bid my childhood goodbye." Turning 21 today really summed the whole childhood thing for me up. I must say that although there were no Disneyland, Play Station and MegaTV, I had it pretty well. I guess I wasn't really spoilt and my parents played the psychology well. Talk about conning small kids at times...

Being 21 means a lot to me and although I was struck with a fever, it was somewhat a blessing in disguise. Being alone did do me good.

The fever eventually broke today and there was this feeling about being alive again that was so tangible in my senses. It's like my whole system rebooted like a computer. Probably that's what I needed to feel getting to the whole adult phase of life.

Here I go.

Winner

2008-05-07T20:47:00.002+08:00

I said, "Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun" under four seconds.

Ow yea.

Here's your big winner... LOL.

Then, I rediscovered what a Big Mac tasted like. It's been a while. And what better way to savour it that to twist your tongue en route to be a winner.

Thanks McDs.

Ps: Do one for your Fillet O Fish! I like that best!

Standing Out or Fitting In?

2008-05-01T22:50:00.002+08:00

I'm starting this post with no idea how far I'll go, as I have been fed with so much idealism today at the Bloggers Universe Malayisia 2008 meet. Panellists spoke about free media, independent judiciary, March 8th... For almost two months now, the sentiment has been the same. People have been talking a lot. But it discouraged me when I saw the initial vibe that the 'change' brought to the parliament.

The public expects a lot, from these legislators. Poor them. But isn't that what the world does to every single one of us?

Do we most of the time do what is expected out of us by people whom really don't care about what we think in the first place? They may be peers, employers and even in a macro context, culture.

Maybe justifying our actions through what we believe in, what and who we have faith in is what's most important.

I've made a promise to myself to keep to this principle, because I have a choice to. But the question I asked myself is when it comes to the point of a sacrifice, would I continue to pursue the truths which I hold? Or let go of my stand, just to fit in?

Behind all the political yacking, this was also what Raja Petra, Nadeswaran, Az Sharom and Jacq Ann Surin left in me to ponder; For what they do, is in pursuit of what they believe in. That is why these people are who others look for ideals in a country such as this.

Isn't that

2008-04-25T19:45:00.002+08:00

Hurry up I'm breaking
into a thousand pieces
Take me to the endless distance
Away with you
I close these tired eyes to see
Your beauty, never sleeps
You rescued me (You rescued me)
You rescued me

You make it sound so easy
When you say it's okayy
I take my first step
As you held me by your hand
I open my dreamy eyes to see
Your beauty amazes me
Again and again (Again and again)
Again and again

Isn't that what love has to be
intrigue
Just you and me
Isn't that what love (what love)
what love has to be

I wish I could
be just as you are
to me

Olympic Flame

2008-04-24T14:57:00.003+08:00

Updates

2008-04-18T00:45:00.004+08:00

It's been raining consistently. The skies are painted magnificently at times.

Yeah Erng Mei, I did abandon my blog. It's because I have so many things to write now plus, I've been doing feature stories back to back with last minute assignments hogging my writing quota. It's really satisfying to work. I guess that it's a very important criteria to be able to enjoy your job and to learn from it.

But as much as I love interning at theSun, I look forward to serve my bond at The Star, a publication that I grew up with. After all these years of being in school, graduation now IS just a year away... meaning that I'll contribute for the bills, save for stuff that adults buy like cars and houses (=.=). Well, at least I get what it means to really work already, with the internship going and to balance work with other stuff.

As the internship closes to its final month now, I am starting to visualise uni life again. Never have I took my work so seriously before, and bringing back with me to class is also a refreshed skepticism as industry-relevant knowledge is KING, not static textbook ideals that through the years aged throughout revolutions of the profession. But I do believe that certain principles learnt are evergreen like technical aspects and journalism fundamentals. The thing about what I'm being taught is that these knowledge are sometimes left out of review, which makes lessons to be more and more irrelevant when journalism progresses.

It's never about what they teach in the end of the day, it's what you've learnt.

Poetry

2008-04-09T02:25:00.003+08:00

I love the sound of guitars.
It's lovely poetry.

Wiki!

2008-04-01T00:09:00.003+08:00

There's the Youtube song. Here's the WIKIPEDIA song! Excuse my Freddy Mercury in the end... It was all for the 'mood'... haha!

Research is kinda tough
I get all frus when I get stuck
I slam my keyboard, pull the plug
It's an anxiety
But then there's Internet
To my delight
My needs are met
At a site full of things
It's called Wiki

I love you wiki
You are so pretty

Although lacking citations
Full of stubs and vandalism
Wikipedia (Wikipedia)
It is full of materials
And opened source wisdom
All in a site
Called Wiki

We go wikiwiki
wikiwiki
wikiwiki
wikiwiki
wikiwiki
wikiwikipedia

Wikipedia (Wikipedia)
We go WIKI!

2008-03-31T01:18:00.002+08:00

We feel, deeply at times. The gentle yet impulsive vibe of love, the fiery passion of argument, the overwhelming emotion in song… But then again sometimes when we do feel things, we don’t let it out. That, would probably be why we have the chance look us by. Most of the time, it will cost us because we don’t dare, because we are responsible, because we aren’t allowed to.

However when we find the courage to do the things we think we should, we find it utterly content despite the consequence of things. But that only happens when we find the courage to do these things.

I am cynical at times, when the cue for me comes to do radical things that would be revolutionary to the direction of my life but I know I have to take that step of courage every time. It’s always a challenge but, when I pass the phase of contemplation, it goes easily from there.

But then again, there are seasons for things and I respect that. There is space for other people too, and I’m learning to accept that fact. In reasons that will constrain and prohibit me from being able to do things, I'll have to make way.

I guess because life itself is not perfect. When we perceive it being that way, then we can only see it being beautiful.